Hashimoto's Disease/ Post Partum Thyroiditis

Seriously.

I sometimes wonder if I am so blessed because I take the crappy parts without complaint.

I have a mildly unpleasant type of thyroid problem that sends my hormones soaring and then crashing in a rapid-fire lunacy that makes me feel like an asylum case. It's like my hormones are bi-polar. Which would explain a lot.

When L was about four months old he was sleeping through the night and so was I, but I felt like I never actually woke up. I guess I would have just let it slide, blamed it on new-mom-syndrome (I'd already complained about it to my doc who'd done a few rounds of blood work) but two things happened. 1) I started having chest pain and could not breathe, 2) I considered taking a nap at a stoplight as if it were a logical thing to do. I got myself to my GP like my butt was on fire.

I presumed it was bronchitis, I have had it a lot back east and it has caused some chest pain. Sure, not this bad but I figured the extreme mommy fatigue could make it worse. It was actually kind of a funny conversation;

Amy the medical assistant. "So, you're thinking bronchitis?"

Me: "Yes"

Amy: "Do you have a cough?"

Me: "No."

Amy: "Congestion, Runny nose?"

Me: "No."

Amy: "Then why do you think you have bronchitis?"

Me: "Because I have chest pain and feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest, or I am drowning."

Amy: Silence

Me: "So... bronchitis."

Amy: Silence.

Me: "Or not."

Amy: "I'll go get the doctor."

Since I had been nursing the pain for a couple of weeks (oh and say-hey-by-the-way my blood work indicated I'd had really high thyroid levels for the past month, would have liked to know that) she did an ekg sent me to get more blood work and to a cardio guy and a endocrinologist. In fact she had her MA make the appointments for me to ensure I got in that day. Now my chest hurt, I was exhausted and scared I was going to die or something. Which would totally suck.

The cardio guy basically told me I was fine, which I had a hard time believing since I still had so much pressure in my chest that I felt like I was being crushed, but I was too tired to argue.
Next stop, endocrinologist. Who do to my previously high thyroid levels and no bottomed out levels diagnosed me with Post Partum Thyroiditis.

The pregnancy that keeps on giving. I swear, if I knew that this baby-journey from conception to now would be so rough.... I still would have done it. Who am I kidding? He's worth anything.

So here I am after a bunch of tests, an effective, if troublesome, drug that makes me feel like many of my bones are slightly broken. Apparently that's actually joint pain but what do I know about anatomy? It also indicates the possibility of another auto immune disease, Lupus.

Phuff. I watch "House"; it's never Lupus.

Are you KIDDING me with this jiggly jogging?

I am going to embrace my inner fat person ( who has been my outer fat person for the past couple years) because exercise is degrading.

I'm going to get those jeans that'll lift my butt and squish my thighs. I'll lean ALL of my mirrors a bit forward at the top to give me a false sense of slimness.

I will avoid looking at my lap while sitting unless my baby is in it.

What I will NOT do is watch my flesh dimple and shake while I run a few miles, play a little DDR on Wii, all in hopes of return to my former slender self.

I have done this before, I lost 60 pounds after Kristen. Sure it was 12 years ago and it was after my literally life-devastating divorce, and lost about 45 of those pounds in a fog of self destructive behaviour. I probably would have wasted away from the Despondency Diet if Bill hadn't wandered into my life, and gave me a much needed shake until my teeth rattled.

Figuratively, people.

Anyway, I'm ready to lose the weight and get back my energy. I have been dealing with a skin problem, massively distracting itchy, bumpy rashes (ew) and my dermatologist has prescribed some stuff which makes me itchy and bumpy (which I was before) and now my skin burns like a house-a-fire (which is a new development).

So, hey. Maybe I'll open a cupcake shop and then no one will think twice about my chubbiness. Bakers are always a bit "fluffy", it goes beautifully with the tall hat.

And I really like cupcakes.

So Busy, So Tired, So Joyful!

I am blessed beyond belief. My kids are such a joy to me. D is practically 14 (gulp) and K is in junior high now, so weird. L is changing so fast, I feel like I scrambling to keep up with them all!

D's devotion to Bionicles is as strong as ever. With the The legend Reborn coming out he is even more committed to knowing everything there is to know about them. His obsessive fascination is typical of Aspie's and it does worry me that he is a little too engrossed, but I try to stress the Strong elemental aspects and hope that it will lead to a wider interest in science. I also try to get him to write about it because he has a real grip on the ideas and understands the construction of the canonical story line. He impresses me with his ability to immediately apply what he learns in school to his Bionicle world!

Kristen is still focused on skating, her clique at school at Katy Pery. She went to Katy at the fair and enjoyed it alot, she hasn't stopped talking about it! I have to say her clique seems a little snotty and self- absorbed but I guess that is pretty typical of the middle school set. I remember being pretty much the same way! She is still a bit of a tomboy, but she is beginning to become more tolerant of girly things. Hurray!

L is amazing! He is growing so fast, and he is such a big boy. He's been sleeping in his room finally, he usually only gets up once a night, so that is like the best gift a mommie can ask for. He still resists his crib (I can't figure that out) but sleep's well in his bassinet. He rolled over once at 9 weeks but hasn't done it again. He hates tummy time so I am afraid he'll never crawl, LOL, but he holds his head up remarkably well and has for a while now. He is very social, and constantly strives to keep all eyes on him. His smiling and cooing makes me feel so wonderfully happy, and watching B with him brings me to happy tears. I am so thrilled that my husband can leave behind his natural reticence behind to be silly and cuddly with the baby. He loves to make L laugh and coo, and watching them interact is the high point of my day!

I am back to work, and it is not as bad as I thought it would be. My MIL is the main reason, she is the perfect grandma! She is all about the g-babies! She is loving, cuddly and endlessly patient. We feel so blessed to have her in our lives. My FIL is fantastic too I am so glad they moved out here. They really fit in Sun City, although they feel like the kids of the town! At 67 and almost 65 they are still totally active and full of excitement about what life has to offer.

All in all, I am outrageously happy and spend alot of time thanking God for his gifts, He has kept my cup full and I am so grateful everyday.

Fretting about going back to work

Can someone please tell me how I can leave my baby? Ugh. I know that I have to go back to work and I really like my job alot. But how am I supposed to let my tiny infant out of my sight for 7 hours? Its like setting your heart your actual beating heart on the windowsill and hoping for the best.

Moms are medical marvel; we just let our hearts walk around all on their own.

*Sigh* At least I have 4 more weeks to spend in my baby centered world. I'm thankful for that.

Poor Baby's Ouchie

Awful. Just Awful.
I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, I know it is a totally common procedure. I went through it with D and that was awful way back then, too. I still remember being horrified that all they gave him was sugar. The doc back then swore it would be fine and he was right.
The difference is that they would not allow me to be in the room with L during the procedure. I suppose I could have kicked up a fuss, but it seemed like it would be fine. So I went down to the gift shop, got a soda and waited.
OMG, I thought my heart was breaking when they brought him into the waiting room! Did he howl? I guess. This child has never cried with such outrage and pain. Even remembering it is tightening my chest and making my skin crawl. Then I had to put him in his car seat which snaps right at the crotch, ugh.
The ride home was a very heart wrenching 5 minutes. If it had been any longer I suppose I would have died of a broken heart, LOL. We got home and he chugged down a bottle, Daddy swaddled him like he's never been swaddled before, I sang him a few lullabyes and he conked out.
Huh, babies are marvel.

Lost the baby weight!

I can't believe it! In only 12 days I lost 35 pounds! I wish that would happen for the 15 I gained while stimming and the 30 I gained before that... but I 'll take what I can get.

I think it's because i am the happiest i have ever been in my life and not really anything I'm doing; except laying of the Whoppers:)

*Sigh* Life is gooooood.

The Itchy C-section Story

We arrived at the hospital at 530 am for my 730 c-section... and we were told that it had been rescheduled for 830am with no notice. B was not thrilled, he doesn't do mornings. (in fact he had half joked he'd drop me off and be back by c section time haha) I'd also gotten no sleep and woke up at 4am to get all beautiful for my first pics with my son. So i was tired and over anxious.
Then my surgery nurse Elisabeth (LOVE her) informed me that I had to take a shower with pre surgery disinfectant (or what ever it is) With my sensitive skin it might as well have been fire ant venom. It beats the crap out of getting an infection and having to have all my limbs amputated like that lady on Oprah, though, so whatev.
Then we waited. we looked over the baby book, watched the CNN coverage of Micheal Jackson and asked Elisabeth. "How about now? Is the doctor here? How about now?" in increasingly impatient voices.
I got my IV, got the belly shaved and drank the remarkably nasty tummy-settling shot while Bill dressed in his scrubs. The put me on the travel gurney and rolled me into the operating room. It's funny I hadn't been nervous about the actual surgery until we hit that bright room with the tiny table and the anesthesiologist who sounded exactly like Norm Mc donald. In my head I'm like, " I changed my mind! I don't want Norm mc donald to give me a spinal and lay me on a tiny table!" Luckily, Elisabeth could talk a monkey down from a tree, and she let me lean on her itty bitty little self while they gave me the spinal. It hurt all the way up to my freakin' teeth but we kept repeating, "All for Liam". Boy, that spinal worked fast as lightening, I felt liked I'd been novacained and wrapped in itchy felt. They had to lay me down on the tiny table quick and I told Elisabeth not to let me fall off. Elisabeth laughed. I told her I was totally freakin' serious. She said she make sure of I stayed on!
They finally let Bill in and I felt much better. Then Dr F came in, asked me I could feel him pinching me and in a snap I heard Liam's first cry. I was unprepared; it was so quiet and calm (if a baby's first cry can be calm, Liam's was.) B ditched me immediately to get the first pics. Dr F held him and I thought, "Dude the kid is huge!" and he was. Bill ran back and forth between me and Liam, saying "He's so amazing!" I was like, "Uh-huh, now can I see him?" They brought him over and I could feel my heart growing, actually feel it, tho I couldn't feel anything else! They sent Liam and Bill to the newborn Nursery, then cleaned me up, stitched me up and rolled me into recovery.
I was high as a kite and could not stop gushing about my new son, my other kids and my husband to Elisabeth. After an hour I was getting sensation back but had not seen Liam, or B either. Elisabeth called the Newborn nursery and let me know Liam was have a little trouble breathing and couldn't join me just yet. She was a very comforting person, becasue somehow I did not have a meltdown and that is a freakin miracle. ( Maybe she's like Jasper in Twilight, LOL) They sent me to my long term room and Bill finally tore himself away from his son to give me an update. Liam was having trouble but it was going to be okay, and B ran right back. He's a man wild for his son!
About 4 hours after I had surgery I started to itch. I mean itch like crazy. My face puffed up like a blowfish and I couldn't stop rubbing. (So much for the pretty mommie pics!) They had to give me a shot and I was a stoned crab after that. I just kept asking for Liam and B kept assuring me it was okay. They gave him an x ray, and he was just fine.. then they flipped him on his back rather than his belly and he started breathing normally. Just like that.
So, I finally got to hold my baby. It was surreal, between the drugs and the new mom high. Then I fell asleep. Bills family came to visit and coo over our pretty boy. Since the drugs for the allergy were knocking me unconscious, I let Liam go to the nursery and sent Bill home at 7pm. I told him to enjoy his last night of uninterrupted sleep!
All in all, it was not nearly as bad as I'd thought it would be, compared to the first one!

Liam Sean McConaghy 06/26/09!

Liam Sean McConaghy born on Friday June 26, 2009 at 8:58 am 7 pounds 6 ounces 20 inches


What a week! I hardly believe that he is finally here. After thinking he'd be terribly early, he came in at a respectable 38 weeks. Good thing, too; he was already 7 pounds 6 oz. I wonder how big he'd have been at 40 weeks:)
Not that it mattered much what with having another c section and all. The c-section itself, not being an emergency this time, was weird. It took so long and was so strangely routine. I hated the spinal block, and the slowly numbing sensation was like being novacained then wrapped in felt. I was also scared to death that I'd fall off that tiny little table. Gag.
It was all totally worth it though. My newest son is so gorgeous. He was in the newborn nursery for quite a while; he was have some trouble breathing but Dad stayed by his side. The hospital is renovating and the L & D floor is all spread out he spent 4 tense hours running back from the nursery to my ever increasingly nervous side. He was the perfect man, as usual.
The only bug in the garden, really, is that I decide against breastfeeding. Between the pain and latching problems I just became overly frustrated. I am not the most patient person and also breastfeeding did not feel natural at all. I decided there are so many ways I want to bond and spend time with my son and forcing him to eat is not one of them! B was totally supportive as always.
I finally escaped the hospital on Monday and the rest of the week has been a blur. A happy blur that is! Recovery has gone well, I feel great and even walked a mile this mornig with Liam in his jogging stroller. In fact I have more energy and vigor than B! He's exhausted. I admit it is a real treat to be the competent calm one for a change.
All in all, I am in Heaven. I don't think I have ever been so happy. My life is so full of joy and I thank God for his grace everyday.

Baby Taser?

Okay, so.
On Friday I had my usual BPP and blood pressure check. My pressure was high (like it always is, HI, that's why I am on bed rest) but Dr F decided he wanted blood work and a NST. I was bummed because I had a crusher of a headache and while I like Arrowhead L & D, I didn't want to spend all day there! Plus, I really get stressed out because I am always afraid I will have to be delivered before B can get there.
However, in this case I got a great L&D nurse, so things were moving right along. The only hold up was that the fetal monitor wasn't picking up the baby consistently and I couldn't leave until he did. The L&D nurse mumbled something about "stimulation" and left the room.
When she came back she had a small item in her hand; it looked like a small flat-headed microphone. She held it against my stomach and I felt a slight vibration. Well, Liam went purely crazy! He jumped like a surprised cat, and started moving like a disco dancer!
Then the L& D nurse sent me home.
Poor Liam. He wiggled and squirmed for hours, and I had contractions for hours.
Now, what I really want to know is, what the H*** is up with the baby taser?

Week 35- Can't believe we made it

The baby is doing great! Dr F has tentatively scheduled the c section for June 29. He of course repeatedly stresses that we WILL be delivered even earlier if my BP goes up any more but I am still really excited. Even if I only make it one more week i am still totally close to full term. I am so thrilled and so ready; we've been ready since April!

(The photo is of the 3 of us taken by Picture People)

Maternity Pictures at Picture People

I love our maternity pictures!

They were such fun to do and we had a great time. I wanted to wait until a bit closer to the end of my pregnancy but really I could go really early and we didn't want to take a chance.

Everyone who has seen them loves them, but says they would not ever do it. I don't get that. Are we ever any more beautiful than when we are carrying our children?

No. The answer is no.

Is it the end of the world?

Because SWINE FLU

My Social Life at the Baby Doctors

They only time I socialize is at the OB/GYN's office. All the ultrasound techs know my name and my baby's persnickety way of waiting until the last possible minute to practice breathing on his Bio Physical Profile. The BPP's are like the high point of my day, twice a week.
Also, Dr. F says i may have gestational diabetes. Which is making me feel a little exhausted. I have already been on bed rest for a month and haven't been able to exercise which is making me cranky and causing wretched headaches. Exercise is a big part of the solution with mild GD. What will I have to do now? I hope I don't have GD but if I do, I hope it is mild but if its not than I hope I don't have to stick my fingers or whatever.
There. I have a plan. Sort of.

DOG HAIR ARRRRGH

My house is insane.
We've had my MIL and FIL's dog, Love, with us for a week and she sheds as much as my Coco. Except she is bigger, so she has quite a lot more hair to shed! Needless to say our house has a light mat of hair-uh-everywhere. The sunbeams show 1 or 2 BILLION hairs floating lightly through the air. The dogs don't care, Coco and Love are totally BFF's.
I am not really supposed to obsessively clean so... I just sneak around with my swiffer, steam mop and lint roller trying, trying always trying to keep up with the hair.
I have decided to hide in my room until June.

Bed Rest & Pig Flu

It's not that I don't understand why I have to be on bed rest. I know it is not only for my health but keeping the baby in utero is the most important thing I can do at this exact time time in my life. Intellectually, I am well aware of why I am restricted to limited activity.
But. But its so dull.
I have forgotten how picky and high maintenance I am. I guess, since I have only held myself to that high standard (lately), that I decided I was not really high maintenance in the purest sense. I convinced myself I was practically easy-going.
I am not easy going. I am high maintenance.
B swears that I have been getting the terrible headaches as my body's way of slowing me down.
I think he just wants me to quit making him lists of chores and bossing him around.
Furthermore, since I can't work out I am now huge. Seriously ginormous. They are going to have to take me to the hospital to deliver on a flat bed truck like that 1 ton man in Mexico.
Speaking of Mexico B is also worried about the Mexican Swine flu, and has been giving me a ton of advice on how to avoid sick people. Yeah, that's not offensive. Like I'm new.
Whatev.
So here I am... woefully bored, fatter than a puffer fish, and afraid of a pig flu.

Camp Verde Baby Moon Bust

Ugh. Baby Moon on bed rest? I don't recommend it.

We took the dogs which was absolutely stupid. Coco loves to travel and begs to go walking, riding flying, whatev. Sami trembles and has to be touching me or is a total basket case. Coco chills in the Sherpa in the backseat not a peep out of her. Sami threatens to puke at ever slight incline. Not to mention they can be very yappy-barky in unfamiliar situations, which a hotel room definitely is.

There is nothing to do in Camp Verde except gamble at the casino or eat at the casino. I don't gamble and eating is a touch and go situation (at best) at this point.

I have to monitor my blood pressure, because has been trying to creep up. Which I will prevent with sheer force of will. Oh, and I am constantly laying on my left side which cause me to have totally nasty heartburn if I'm not cautious of what I nom. If it were up to the baby I would live on peanut m&m's and pb&j. The ampersand diet by Liam McConaghy!

So I ate cautiously, slept on my left side read a book and waited to have dinner. We spent a fortune on steaks wrapped in bacon (because everything is wrapped in bacon these days). Then I went back to the room to sleep and B played poker. He was out pretty late which was too bad for him as Sami woke us up and kept us at the usual 8am. She doesn't get vacation hours.

We did go to Montezuma Castle on Saturday, but I was being lapped by the elderly and infirm. Oh well. I was impressed by the mechanics of the dwelling but you can't see too much, so it wasn't as informative as I would have liked. And of course the short walk left me wiped out so I had to sleep for 4 hours...

For Easter dinner we had... cactus. Seriously! Batter dipped cactus! It was wonderful. However the entree was surprisingly spicy and I got sick. Which ruined B's dinner. I'm going to be a candidate for the Biggest Loser after I have my baby, he'll be recruited by J Crew. He kept me from crawling back to bed, which no one else on earth could have done, so I have to be grateful. We spent several hours basically rehashing the year. It was so much fun and as usual I was surprised by how crazy in love with my husband I still am.

So while the Baby Moon was not exactly what I had thought it would be, it did give us the chance to have one last just us adventure so I am satisfied.

So Bill gave in and okay'd the plan for a "baby moon". I am so very glad. We are going to Camp Verde, AZ so that we can hike Montezuma Castle, visit the Safari Park and enjoy the beauty of the desert.

Back East we used to go to Atlantic City, NJ once a year. We stayed at the Tropicana and Bill played blackjack (which for him is like zen experience) and I hit the Blue Mercury spa. It was perfect at Easter, because I could sit on the nearly deserted beach and stare out at the Atlantic Ocean and just think. It always made me fully focused and present for a few rare moments. It gave me such a peaceful feeling.

Bill and I were always so close on those trips. We had no real agenda, so we could concentrate on each other. It was such a wonderful way for us to reconnect as a couple.

This year I am hoping to have a similar experience. I am so excited to spend one last carefree weekend together.

Also, since I guess I have given up finding a church that will be the right fit for me, I've taken to worshipping in my own way. It's usually outside surrounded by the beauty the Lord created. I sing when the mood takes me (and the mood takes me quite frequently) and I find in the quiet splendor of nature I feel closer to Heavenly Father than I have felt in years and years.

I guess I am putting alot of pressure on this weekend; I can't wait to see how it works out!

The baby had hiccups on Monday night which gave me the giggles. I feel asleep laughing and dreaming of my little bean.

I love being pregnant.

I really like diamonds

The only good thing about pregnancy swelling? Diamonds.


Of course, it is our 5th anniversary this May, and I hardly ever ask for jewelry. Problem is when I do it is almost always diamonds. They're just so sparkly.


Plus this band will be great even after the baby is born because I can use my wedding wrap with it. I had worried that my engagement ring, because it's raised so high, would inadvertently scratch the baby. One less thing to worry about now!


I have the best husband ever.

D was NOT happy about his new baby brother. He was livid.

D has Aspergers Syndrome and it is really hard for him to understand other peoples motivation. He only see how actions effect him. Even tho he and I are close, he felt that the new baby would replace him. We are still working it out, but he is coming to terms with it.

Of course, K was mad for about 2 minutes then she was over it and thinking up silly names for the baby. She is so like me.

The age difference will be an issue I think. It will be hard for them to share me after so long. They are so close, only 18 months apart, they don't remember a time with the other wasn't there. Now, a little stranger is about to show up. A needy, adorable baby. While they are angsty and going through their awkward stages.

At 13 D is all arms and legs. He's tall, naturally, and a very solitary person. He has few friends and loves computer games and bioincles. His braces are already off and he is a good-looking guy, but hates anyone to bring it up. He does well academically if not socially.

At nearly 12, K is a dramatic, funny, wild child. She has a sharp wit and picks up everything just like a sponge. She is a mini me, and wonder of wonders, she is actually proud of that fact. Well, for now. She does give me a hard time about my "too blond hair" and "getting a lot bigger". How is possible to want to hug and ground your child at the same time?

I am very interested to see how this goes. I pray every day to make the best choices for everyone in my family. Sometimes I think I was too hard on my own mom!

When I got to the second trimester I was so excited. I thought all my symptoms would go away. They didn't, but I did get a few more...

I began to cramp so bad at 16 weeks that my doc sent me to the ER (it was Friday, and his office is closed). I was terrified because the cramps felt like labor to me and I was sure I was losing the baby. I had an ultrasound which upset me because they wouldn't wait for Bill. I was actually afraid I was going to see that the baby had died, and dealing with that alone made me tremble with dread. The ultrasound confirmed a contraction in the brief time I was being scanned, and the tech told me I had placenta previa, which I wasn't at all familiar with.

The doctor also said I was very dehydrated so they hooked me up to I.V. fluids for a while ( I've deducted, from my own experience and talking to other moms, whenever doctors don't know what's wrong they immediately give you I.V. fluids). He sent me home with bed rest for the weekend and a follow up with my doc on Monday.

Bill just said; " Well, looks like the whole pregnancy is going to be a nail biter, huh."

I was so disappointed to be dealing with possible pre tem labor, a placental condition I did not understand and all of it on top of what we were already dealing with.

I was also trying hard to stay hydrated and I was gagging down Gatorade even tho I loathe it. I was also unable to work out, which for me is a HUGE stress reliever. When I get stressed out I have to exercise hard. Idleness, for me, can lead to panic attacks.

Once again, my dear hubby lent me some of his easy going calm, he made those long unsure days survivable.

We had our appointment, we had an ultrasound. The baby was fine and I had NO placenta previa! My doc also said that even if the placenta was placed low it didn't matter, as I was scheduled for a c-section anyway.

We were ecstatic. We had from the beginning decided to be surprised by the baby's sex at the actual birth but we'd changed our minds. We wanted to get to know our baby as well as we could right away.

It was very easy too, the tech asked us if we wanted to know the sex and when we said yes she showed us an unmistakable pic of our little BOY!

I relaxed considerably after that and also got my appetite back in a big way. At my 20 week appointment I'd gained 12 pounds! Maybe Chipolte before our visit was a bad idea...

Bill was his usual self, he just shrugged and said, "You're pregnant, what'd you expect?"

I just adore my husbands way of looking at things!

So we were FINALLY pregnant. Now to stay that way.

With my first 2, I had pre-eclampsia. Which means that my blood pressure skyrocketed, among other medical nasties, like losing my vision (temporarily). D was born at 33 weeks, K at 36.

In my dark moments I always wondered if I just was BAD at being pregnant, and that's why I couldn't get pregnant a 3rd time.

So when I got my Big Fat positive I could not believe it. I knew I would still be on several medications, but I was pretty used to it. The meds I was on caused my pregnancy symptoms to be over exaggerated, so I was really uncomfortable.

I also developed a super power. Well, if you want to call being able to smell EVERYTHING a super power. I called it a super pain in the butt. I could not tolerate the smell of anything, not my shampoo, my lotions, my house, my car, my dogs... you see where I am going with this. And my wonderful, loving supportive husband? Couldn't stand to be NEAR him. Thanks for the baby now get the heck away from me.

Oh, and all those times I prayed for morning sickness over the last few years? Well I got it. Boy did I! I had to go on zofran, which is what the give cancer patients to control nausea, which made me feel like a giant loser but it beat puking everyday all day.

I was still under the care of my fertility specialist and had an ultrasound once a week. When I saw the little jelly bean shaped embryo, I thought my heart would burst. I think Bill was disappointed it wasn't the twins he'd predicted, but I was glad. Twins scared me.

The next week, the doc who did the ultrasound thought he saw TWO embryos. I was freaking out the whole next week. I know a lot of people would love to have twins but I just wanted the best chance to have the healthiest pregnancy I could. If God chose to bless us with 2 or even 3, well He knows best and we'd figure it out; but *gulp* scary stuff.

3rd ultrasound, 1 baby. Whew.

So between the medicine, nausea, and hyper-sense-of-smell, the first trimester was tough. My panic attacks came back with a will, I was terrified I would loss the baby. I lost 10 pounds because I could not eat properly. It made the holidays pretty tough actually but *shrug*. There will always be more holidays, I only have one chance to carry this baby!

I concentrated on buying for baby and decorating the nursery. I was under the impression that the 2nd trimester would be much better.

Not so much.

I was not supposed to take a home pregnancy test (HPT) until 11 days past tranfer (DPT) but I got impatient. So at 7 DPT there I was, waiting for the stick to tell me my future.

No line.

I cried. Bill soothed. He remided me it was too early. He enthused at least we knew the synthetic HcG was out of my system. He was my rock.

He was up at 6 am (this from a guy who will sleep til noon any day he can get) the next day 8DPT to test again.

Very faint double pink lines!

We looked at the test from every angle, we warned each other not get excited.

Up at 6 am, day 9DPT.

Clearly double pink lines.

We hugged in the bathroom as I cried. We agreed to be cautious until the blood test in 2 days.

But we were both up at 6 am 10DPT just to have the joy of that double pink line light up our lives.

11 DPT we got our blood test.

We were pregnant.

In the fall of 2008 we ran out of options. It was IVF or no baby for us it seemed. We had only one shot really; even with my great insurance IVF is not an inexpensive course.

We jumped into the protocol with the timelines, medications, shots and hormone craziness.

Bill was amazing as always, he was so organized, interested and helpful. He was supportive, not only mentally, but monetarily. He made it possible for me to take 6 weeks of work to cut down on stress. He encouraged me to do acupuncture and massage at an infertility specialist, because we had read the results were 50% better with acupuncture and massage. He spared no expense, and ignored no option to make it happen.

It must have been so hard for him, with 3 years of infertility behind us, and all of the tests we both had to take among other indignities. I'm not the most even tempered person to begin with (as anyone who knows me will tell you!) and hormones and 40 extra pounds did not make me any easier to live with!

He never complained, tho and was always upbeat and positive. When I was wallowing in self pity he picked me up dusted me off and helped right back up.

We did the actual egg retrieval on 10/15/2009. I was given a general which I hated because it felt scary to not be in control, but it is necessary. I got the call the next day it was successful and we had 16 eggs. I was disappointed. I had hoped for more chances. Bill was out of town on business when we got the egg news and when I told him I had hoped our number would be higher he said,

"You're not a spider; we only need one!"

(I still think that is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.)

At my acupuncture appointment I let them know and it was agreed that my acu-doc would meet me in the morning on Saturday 10/18/2009, just in case, but because I had so many fertilized eggs, I would surely go to day five.
Wrong.
We were the first appointment of the day and things were a bit hectic. The embryologist called us in and told us that the eggs did fertilize well in fact 2 more fertilized late for a total of 12)they were fragmenting and that they were going to do the transfer then (day 3) with assisted hatching because they may not make it outside the body til day 5. I was not mentally prepared for that.
Nevertheless I took my Valium and antibiotics and was wheeled into the OR again. It should have taken only a few minutes but their was an issue with the right transfer needle (!) and it took longer. It got worked out and they said it was done.

I stayed in bed warm and cozy for 3 days, I was not taking chances. Bill treated me like a delicate little patient buying me roses (a variety called Miracle) pumkins (which I love) and M&M's (which I can not get enough of).

And so, we waited.

By 2008 life was right on track . We were back in Arizona, we had new baby in the family, my kids were great...

Well, my first 2 were great. Still waiting for the third one.

The fertility treatments (and I'm not goint to lie, just plain laziness) cause me to put on alot of weight. I still can't believe how supportive my dear husband was and is. He is the perfect man, never judging always kind and loving. I don't deserve him, but I am so blessed to have him.

He bought us a beautiful house, (my dream house really) and I was thrilled with life.

Life was still good, but we felt the ache of our infertility acutely.

2007 started out crummy but ended up back to perfect.
I got my tonsils out to prevent PTA again, and we continued fertility treatments.
We had talked constantly about moving back to Arizona, but I was floored when Bill made it a reality. I was further awed when my brother in laws wife got pregnant, and they named us Godparents.
I was back in Arizona by Christmas 2007, with my Godbaby in my arms.
Life was so sweet.

2006 was much better, even if I did turn 30. My kids loved Pennsylvania, especially Down the Shore.

Bills brother got married to a great girl, which brought us to back to Arizona. It also got me homesick.

At the end of the year I somehow I developed a peritonsiller abscess (which is hands down the worst pain ever; Not only did I nearly die, I was practically begging for death) I spent a week in the hospital.

Also, still trying for that elusive baby...

Bill continued to support me, and if it wasn't for his steady heart I have NO idea how I would have made it through. I always think of him as a gift for something I've done or will do, so I am always on the lookout for a way to make the world better.

Being married was great; we even decided in 2005 to have a baby. However that was easier said than done...
While 2005 started out great, my work became far more stressful and my children were going through a tough time also.

Bill bought me a sweet baby lhasa apso, my Sami.

Then Sami and I were in a horrible car accident. She and I decided not to leave the house after that... I got over it. Sami didn't.
Of all the years of my life, 2005 isn't the worst, but it was not the perfection I was used to.

After our wedding guests left the ship, we were off to our Bermuda Honeymoon. It was perfect. The cruise was a blast, especially "The Dating Game" and the beaches were gorgeous.

I even got Bill to sing karaoke; he looks like he's going to kill someone!

2004 was a VERY good year. I got promoted to GM which was great but even better... we finally tied the knot!

05/09/2004 In Port in Philadelphia.

Best. Wedding. Ever.

Things got better in 2003. Making friends and being repeatedly promoted helped. A lot. We also bought our first house together.

Thank Goodness, Bill is a patient man but I can be about as enduring as wayward child of four when I am not pleased. He continued to excel at work, and of course we went back Down the Shore. Sharks and Fagers Island. Whats not to love?

So we moved to the suburbs of Philadelphia, PA. I could NOT make friends. ME! That's like saying a cute little shih tsu puppy can't melt your heart. Im-freakin'-possible, right?

I was not happy; it was not pleasant.

The best part of living on the east coast is going Down the Shore. Fun to say! Even more fun to do!

We drove from Arizona to Pennsylvania. I never thought a cross country road trip could be sososo much FUN. Stopping New Orleans for three days didn't hurt! Another first for me, I still wasn't used to my wishlist being consistently and constantly fulfilled yet...

Oh, and one last SURPRISE. We got engaged on 10/02/2001! A shared liminal moment. It wasn't just because I really really love diamonds, either.

I love Tuesdays.

A last visit to Sedona, which with all our traveling I still find one of the most breathtaking places in the world.

2001 was a lot more mellow than 2000. I was so glad to be back in my beautiful Arizona.

It was fine until Bill decided we should move to his home state of Pennsylvania. I thought, okay, why not? How bad can it be? Those evil five words. They always harbor my doom.

First tho, we went to the Bahamas! Touching a dolphin was so great; it felt like a wet leather jacket. Which actually flipped me out. I avoid leather now...

Sharm El Shiek, Egypt is very swanky. Sort of an international cross between Beverly Hills and Las Vegas.

We arrived at the same time as Arafat, President Clinton and a bunch of other important people for an international summit. I still have no idea what that means. However, we did have drinks and danced all night with the guys that flew the planes , like Air Force One, so that was pretty rad.

We para-sailed (gulp) and hung out our resorts private cove, which was apparently a nude beach (double gulp). I snorkeled in Ros Mohammed, the underwater national park, but kept my top at all times, and my eyes closed, too!

The pyramids at Giza were HUGE, but inside? Itty bitty living space. I'm almost 6 foot tall, Bill is 6'2. Not exactly comfy. Totally worth it tho. Oh, and one guy tried to buy me from Bill. For sticky spitty camels, no less. That's a true story.

Las Vegas July,2000 I have no idea why we look like we took ourselves so seriously. Oh. Wait. Because we totally did. LOL. My, how things have changed.

I met my perfect man in April 2000. Since I was already seeing another man (quite nice, but not perfect) I waited to tell the perfect man.
Exit current boyfriend, Enter Mr Perfect.
Lucky lucky me, he thought I was a little perfect, too. In May we officialy started dating. In June, Diamondback dugout seats. In July, Las Vegas. In August, Philadelphia. In September, Egypt.
Yep. Like EGYPT, Egypt. For 3 months. Totally freakin' awesome.
That was basically our first year together. It was perfect.
It's done nothing but get better.