Fretting about going back to work

Can someone please tell me how I can leave my baby? Ugh. I know that I have to go back to work and I really like my job alot. But how am I supposed to let my tiny infant out of my sight for 7 hours? Its like setting your heart your actual beating heart on the windowsill and hoping for the best.

Moms are medical marvel; we just let our hearts walk around all on their own.

*Sigh* At least I have 4 more weeks to spend in my baby centered world. I'm thankful for that.

Poor Baby's Ouchie

Awful. Just Awful.
I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, I know it is a totally common procedure. I went through it with D and that was awful way back then, too. I still remember being horrified that all they gave him was sugar. The doc back then swore it would be fine and he was right.
The difference is that they would not allow me to be in the room with L during the procedure. I suppose I could have kicked up a fuss, but it seemed like it would be fine. So I went down to the gift shop, got a soda and waited.
OMG, I thought my heart was breaking when they brought him into the waiting room! Did he howl? I guess. This child has never cried with such outrage and pain. Even remembering it is tightening my chest and making my skin crawl. Then I had to put him in his car seat which snaps right at the crotch, ugh.
The ride home was a very heart wrenching 5 minutes. If it had been any longer I suppose I would have died of a broken heart, LOL. We got home and he chugged down a bottle, Daddy swaddled him like he's never been swaddled before, I sang him a few lullabyes and he conked out.
Huh, babies are marvel.

Lost the baby weight!

I can't believe it! In only 12 days I lost 35 pounds! I wish that would happen for the 15 I gained while stimming and the 30 I gained before that... but I 'll take what I can get.

I think it's because i am the happiest i have ever been in my life and not really anything I'm doing; except laying of the Whoppers:)

*Sigh* Life is gooooood.

The Itchy C-section Story

We arrived at the hospital at 530 am for my 730 c-section... and we were told that it had been rescheduled for 830am with no notice. B was not thrilled, he doesn't do mornings. (in fact he had half joked he'd drop me off and be back by c section time haha) I'd also gotten no sleep and woke up at 4am to get all beautiful for my first pics with my son. So i was tired and over anxious.
Then my surgery nurse Elisabeth (LOVE her) informed me that I had to take a shower with pre surgery disinfectant (or what ever it is) With my sensitive skin it might as well have been fire ant venom. It beats the crap out of getting an infection and having to have all my limbs amputated like that lady on Oprah, though, so whatev.
Then we waited. we looked over the baby book, watched the CNN coverage of Micheal Jackson and asked Elisabeth. "How about now? Is the doctor here? How about now?" in increasingly impatient voices.
I got my IV, got the belly shaved and drank the remarkably nasty tummy-settling shot while Bill dressed in his scrubs. The put me on the travel gurney and rolled me into the operating room. It's funny I hadn't been nervous about the actual surgery until we hit that bright room with the tiny table and the anesthesiologist who sounded exactly like Norm Mc donald. In my head I'm like, " I changed my mind! I don't want Norm mc donald to give me a spinal and lay me on a tiny table!" Luckily, Elisabeth could talk a monkey down from a tree, and she let me lean on her itty bitty little self while they gave me the spinal. It hurt all the way up to my freakin' teeth but we kept repeating, "All for Liam". Boy, that spinal worked fast as lightening, I felt liked I'd been novacained and wrapped in itchy felt. They had to lay me down on the tiny table quick and I told Elisabeth not to let me fall off. Elisabeth laughed. I told her I was totally freakin' serious. She said she make sure of I stayed on!
They finally let Bill in and I felt much better. Then Dr F came in, asked me I could feel him pinching me and in a snap I heard Liam's first cry. I was unprepared; it was so quiet and calm (if a baby's first cry can be calm, Liam's was.) B ditched me immediately to get the first pics. Dr F held him and I thought, "Dude the kid is huge!" and he was. Bill ran back and forth between me and Liam, saying "He's so amazing!" I was like, "Uh-huh, now can I see him?" They brought him over and I could feel my heart growing, actually feel it, tho I couldn't feel anything else! They sent Liam and Bill to the newborn Nursery, then cleaned me up, stitched me up and rolled me into recovery.
I was high as a kite and could not stop gushing about my new son, my other kids and my husband to Elisabeth. After an hour I was getting sensation back but had not seen Liam, or B either. Elisabeth called the Newborn nursery and let me know Liam was have a little trouble breathing and couldn't join me just yet. She was a very comforting person, becasue somehow I did not have a meltdown and that is a freakin miracle. ( Maybe she's like Jasper in Twilight, LOL) They sent me to my long term room and Bill finally tore himself away from his son to give me an update. Liam was having trouble but it was going to be okay, and B ran right back. He's a man wild for his son!
About 4 hours after I had surgery I started to itch. I mean itch like crazy. My face puffed up like a blowfish and I couldn't stop rubbing. (So much for the pretty mommie pics!) They had to give me a shot and I was a stoned crab after that. I just kept asking for Liam and B kept assuring me it was okay. They gave him an x ray, and he was just fine.. then they flipped him on his back rather than his belly and he started breathing normally. Just like that.
So, I finally got to hold my baby. It was surreal, between the drugs and the new mom high. Then I fell asleep. Bills family came to visit and coo over our pretty boy. Since the drugs for the allergy were knocking me unconscious, I let Liam go to the nursery and sent Bill home at 7pm. I told him to enjoy his last night of uninterrupted sleep!
All in all, it was not nearly as bad as I'd thought it would be, compared to the first one!

Liam Sean McConaghy 06/26/09!

Liam Sean McConaghy born on Friday June 26, 2009 at 8:58 am 7 pounds 6 ounces 20 inches


What a week! I hardly believe that he is finally here. After thinking he'd be terribly early, he came in at a respectable 38 weeks. Good thing, too; he was already 7 pounds 6 oz. I wonder how big he'd have been at 40 weeks:)
Not that it mattered much what with having another c section and all. The c-section itself, not being an emergency this time, was weird. It took so long and was so strangely routine. I hated the spinal block, and the slowly numbing sensation was like being novacained then wrapped in felt. I was also scared to death that I'd fall off that tiny little table. Gag.
It was all totally worth it though. My newest son is so gorgeous. He was in the newborn nursery for quite a while; he was have some trouble breathing but Dad stayed by his side. The hospital is renovating and the L & D floor is all spread out he spent 4 tense hours running back from the nursery to my ever increasingly nervous side. He was the perfect man, as usual.
The only bug in the garden, really, is that I decide against breastfeeding. Between the pain and latching problems I just became overly frustrated. I am not the most patient person and also breastfeeding did not feel natural at all. I decided there are so many ways I want to bond and spend time with my son and forcing him to eat is not one of them! B was totally supportive as always.
I finally escaped the hospital on Monday and the rest of the week has been a blur. A happy blur that is! Recovery has gone well, I feel great and even walked a mile this mornig with Liam in his jogging stroller. In fact I have more energy and vigor than B! He's exhausted. I admit it is a real treat to be the competent calm one for a change.
All in all, I am in Heaven. I don't think I have ever been so happy. My life is so full of joy and I thank God for his grace everyday.