I really like diamonds

The only good thing about pregnancy swelling? Diamonds.


Of course, it is our 5th anniversary this May, and I hardly ever ask for jewelry. Problem is when I do it is almost always diamonds. They're just so sparkly.


Plus this band will be great even after the baby is born because I can use my wedding wrap with it. I had worried that my engagement ring, because it's raised so high, would inadvertently scratch the baby. One less thing to worry about now!


I have the best husband ever.

D was NOT happy about his new baby brother. He was livid.

D has Aspergers Syndrome and it is really hard for him to understand other peoples motivation. He only see how actions effect him. Even tho he and I are close, he felt that the new baby would replace him. We are still working it out, but he is coming to terms with it.

Of course, K was mad for about 2 minutes then she was over it and thinking up silly names for the baby. She is so like me.

The age difference will be an issue I think. It will be hard for them to share me after so long. They are so close, only 18 months apart, they don't remember a time with the other wasn't there. Now, a little stranger is about to show up. A needy, adorable baby. While they are angsty and going through their awkward stages.

At 13 D is all arms and legs. He's tall, naturally, and a very solitary person. He has few friends and loves computer games and bioincles. His braces are already off and he is a good-looking guy, but hates anyone to bring it up. He does well academically if not socially.

At nearly 12, K is a dramatic, funny, wild child. She has a sharp wit and picks up everything just like a sponge. She is a mini me, and wonder of wonders, she is actually proud of that fact. Well, for now. She does give me a hard time about my "too blond hair" and "getting a lot bigger". How is possible to want to hug and ground your child at the same time?

I am very interested to see how this goes. I pray every day to make the best choices for everyone in my family. Sometimes I think I was too hard on my own mom!

When I got to the second trimester I was so excited. I thought all my symptoms would go away. They didn't, but I did get a few more...

I began to cramp so bad at 16 weeks that my doc sent me to the ER (it was Friday, and his office is closed). I was terrified because the cramps felt like labor to me and I was sure I was losing the baby. I had an ultrasound which upset me because they wouldn't wait for Bill. I was actually afraid I was going to see that the baby had died, and dealing with that alone made me tremble with dread. The ultrasound confirmed a contraction in the brief time I was being scanned, and the tech told me I had placenta previa, which I wasn't at all familiar with.

The doctor also said I was very dehydrated so they hooked me up to I.V. fluids for a while ( I've deducted, from my own experience and talking to other moms, whenever doctors don't know what's wrong they immediately give you I.V. fluids). He sent me home with bed rest for the weekend and a follow up with my doc on Monday.

Bill just said; " Well, looks like the whole pregnancy is going to be a nail biter, huh."

I was so disappointed to be dealing with possible pre tem labor, a placental condition I did not understand and all of it on top of what we were already dealing with.

I was also trying hard to stay hydrated and I was gagging down Gatorade even tho I loathe it. I was also unable to work out, which for me is a HUGE stress reliever. When I get stressed out I have to exercise hard. Idleness, for me, can lead to panic attacks.

Once again, my dear hubby lent me some of his easy going calm, he made those long unsure days survivable.

We had our appointment, we had an ultrasound. The baby was fine and I had NO placenta previa! My doc also said that even if the placenta was placed low it didn't matter, as I was scheduled for a c-section anyway.

We were ecstatic. We had from the beginning decided to be surprised by the baby's sex at the actual birth but we'd changed our minds. We wanted to get to know our baby as well as we could right away.

It was very easy too, the tech asked us if we wanted to know the sex and when we said yes she showed us an unmistakable pic of our little BOY!

I relaxed considerably after that and also got my appetite back in a big way. At my 20 week appointment I'd gained 12 pounds! Maybe Chipolte before our visit was a bad idea...

Bill was his usual self, he just shrugged and said, "You're pregnant, what'd you expect?"

I just adore my husbands way of looking at things!

So we were FINALLY pregnant. Now to stay that way.

With my first 2, I had pre-eclampsia. Which means that my blood pressure skyrocketed, among other medical nasties, like losing my vision (temporarily). D was born at 33 weeks, K at 36.

In my dark moments I always wondered if I just was BAD at being pregnant, and that's why I couldn't get pregnant a 3rd time.

So when I got my Big Fat positive I could not believe it. I knew I would still be on several medications, but I was pretty used to it. The meds I was on caused my pregnancy symptoms to be over exaggerated, so I was really uncomfortable.

I also developed a super power. Well, if you want to call being able to smell EVERYTHING a super power. I called it a super pain in the butt. I could not tolerate the smell of anything, not my shampoo, my lotions, my house, my car, my dogs... you see where I am going with this. And my wonderful, loving supportive husband? Couldn't stand to be NEAR him. Thanks for the baby now get the heck away from me.

Oh, and all those times I prayed for morning sickness over the last few years? Well I got it. Boy did I! I had to go on zofran, which is what the give cancer patients to control nausea, which made me feel like a giant loser but it beat puking everyday all day.

I was still under the care of my fertility specialist and had an ultrasound once a week. When I saw the little jelly bean shaped embryo, I thought my heart would burst. I think Bill was disappointed it wasn't the twins he'd predicted, but I was glad. Twins scared me.

The next week, the doc who did the ultrasound thought he saw TWO embryos. I was freaking out the whole next week. I know a lot of people would love to have twins but I just wanted the best chance to have the healthiest pregnancy I could. If God chose to bless us with 2 or even 3, well He knows best and we'd figure it out; but *gulp* scary stuff.

3rd ultrasound, 1 baby. Whew.

So between the medicine, nausea, and hyper-sense-of-smell, the first trimester was tough. My panic attacks came back with a will, I was terrified I would loss the baby. I lost 10 pounds because I could not eat properly. It made the holidays pretty tough actually but *shrug*. There will always be more holidays, I only have one chance to carry this baby!

I concentrated on buying for baby and decorating the nursery. I was under the impression that the 2nd trimester would be much better.

Not so much.

I was not supposed to take a home pregnancy test (HPT) until 11 days past tranfer (DPT) but I got impatient. So at 7 DPT there I was, waiting for the stick to tell me my future.

No line.

I cried. Bill soothed. He remided me it was too early. He enthused at least we knew the synthetic HcG was out of my system. He was my rock.

He was up at 6 am (this from a guy who will sleep til noon any day he can get) the next day 8DPT to test again.

Very faint double pink lines!

We looked at the test from every angle, we warned each other not get excited.

Up at 6 am, day 9DPT.

Clearly double pink lines.

We hugged in the bathroom as I cried. We agreed to be cautious until the blood test in 2 days.

But we were both up at 6 am 10DPT just to have the joy of that double pink line light up our lives.

11 DPT we got our blood test.

We were pregnant.

In the fall of 2008 we ran out of options. It was IVF or no baby for us it seemed. We had only one shot really; even with my great insurance IVF is not an inexpensive course.

We jumped into the protocol with the timelines, medications, shots and hormone craziness.

Bill was amazing as always, he was so organized, interested and helpful. He was supportive, not only mentally, but monetarily. He made it possible for me to take 6 weeks of work to cut down on stress. He encouraged me to do acupuncture and massage at an infertility specialist, because we had read the results were 50% better with acupuncture and massage. He spared no expense, and ignored no option to make it happen.

It must have been so hard for him, with 3 years of infertility behind us, and all of the tests we both had to take among other indignities. I'm not the most even tempered person to begin with (as anyone who knows me will tell you!) and hormones and 40 extra pounds did not make me any easier to live with!

He never complained, tho and was always upbeat and positive. When I was wallowing in self pity he picked me up dusted me off and helped right back up.

We did the actual egg retrieval on 10/15/2009. I was given a general which I hated because it felt scary to not be in control, but it is necessary. I got the call the next day it was successful and we had 16 eggs. I was disappointed. I had hoped for more chances. Bill was out of town on business when we got the egg news and when I told him I had hoped our number would be higher he said,

"You're not a spider; we only need one!"

(I still think that is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.)

At my acupuncture appointment I let them know and it was agreed that my acu-doc would meet me in the morning on Saturday 10/18/2009, just in case, but because I had so many fertilized eggs, I would surely go to day five.
Wrong.
We were the first appointment of the day and things were a bit hectic. The embryologist called us in and told us that the eggs did fertilize well in fact 2 more fertilized late for a total of 12)they were fragmenting and that they were going to do the transfer then (day 3) with assisted hatching because they may not make it outside the body til day 5. I was not mentally prepared for that.
Nevertheless I took my Valium and antibiotics and was wheeled into the OR again. It should have taken only a few minutes but their was an issue with the right transfer needle (!) and it took longer. It got worked out and they said it was done.

I stayed in bed warm and cozy for 3 days, I was not taking chances. Bill treated me like a delicate little patient buying me roses (a variety called Miracle) pumkins (which I love) and M&M's (which I can not get enough of).

And so, we waited.

By 2008 life was right on track . We were back in Arizona, we had new baby in the family, my kids were great...

Well, my first 2 were great. Still waiting for the third one.

The fertility treatments (and I'm not goint to lie, just plain laziness) cause me to put on alot of weight. I still can't believe how supportive my dear husband was and is. He is the perfect man, never judging always kind and loving. I don't deserve him, but I am so blessed to have him.

He bought us a beautiful house, (my dream house really) and I was thrilled with life.

Life was still good, but we felt the ache of our infertility acutely.

2007 started out crummy but ended up back to perfect.
I got my tonsils out to prevent PTA again, and we continued fertility treatments.
We had talked constantly about moving back to Arizona, but I was floored when Bill made it a reality. I was further awed when my brother in laws wife got pregnant, and they named us Godparents.
I was back in Arizona by Christmas 2007, with my Godbaby in my arms.
Life was so sweet.

2006 was much better, even if I did turn 30. My kids loved Pennsylvania, especially Down the Shore.

Bills brother got married to a great girl, which brought us to back to Arizona. It also got me homesick.

At the end of the year I somehow I developed a peritonsiller abscess (which is hands down the worst pain ever; Not only did I nearly die, I was practically begging for death) I spent a week in the hospital.

Also, still trying for that elusive baby...

Bill continued to support me, and if it wasn't for his steady heart I have NO idea how I would have made it through. I always think of him as a gift for something I've done or will do, so I am always on the lookout for a way to make the world better.

Being married was great; we even decided in 2005 to have a baby. However that was easier said than done...
While 2005 started out great, my work became far more stressful and my children were going through a tough time also.

Bill bought me a sweet baby lhasa apso, my Sami.

Then Sami and I were in a horrible car accident. She and I decided not to leave the house after that... I got over it. Sami didn't.
Of all the years of my life, 2005 isn't the worst, but it was not the perfection I was used to.

After our wedding guests left the ship, we were off to our Bermuda Honeymoon. It was perfect. The cruise was a blast, especially "The Dating Game" and the beaches were gorgeous.

I even got Bill to sing karaoke; he looks like he's going to kill someone!

2004 was a VERY good year. I got promoted to GM which was great but even better... we finally tied the knot!

05/09/2004 In Port in Philadelphia.

Best. Wedding. Ever.

Things got better in 2003. Making friends and being repeatedly promoted helped. A lot. We also bought our first house together.

Thank Goodness, Bill is a patient man but I can be about as enduring as wayward child of four when I am not pleased. He continued to excel at work, and of course we went back Down the Shore. Sharks and Fagers Island. Whats not to love?

So we moved to the suburbs of Philadelphia, PA. I could NOT make friends. ME! That's like saying a cute little shih tsu puppy can't melt your heart. Im-freakin'-possible, right?

I was not happy; it was not pleasant.

The best part of living on the east coast is going Down the Shore. Fun to say! Even more fun to do!

We drove from Arizona to Pennsylvania. I never thought a cross country road trip could be sososo much FUN. Stopping New Orleans for three days didn't hurt! Another first for me, I still wasn't used to my wishlist being consistently and constantly fulfilled yet...

Oh, and one last SURPRISE. We got engaged on 10/02/2001! A shared liminal moment. It wasn't just because I really really love diamonds, either.

I love Tuesdays.

A last visit to Sedona, which with all our traveling I still find one of the most breathtaking places in the world.

2001 was a lot more mellow than 2000. I was so glad to be back in my beautiful Arizona.

It was fine until Bill decided we should move to his home state of Pennsylvania. I thought, okay, why not? How bad can it be? Those evil five words. They always harbor my doom.

First tho, we went to the Bahamas! Touching a dolphin was so great; it felt like a wet leather jacket. Which actually flipped me out. I avoid leather now...

Sharm El Shiek, Egypt is very swanky. Sort of an international cross between Beverly Hills and Las Vegas.

We arrived at the same time as Arafat, President Clinton and a bunch of other important people for an international summit. I still have no idea what that means. However, we did have drinks and danced all night with the guys that flew the planes , like Air Force One, so that was pretty rad.

We para-sailed (gulp) and hung out our resorts private cove, which was apparently a nude beach (double gulp). I snorkeled in Ros Mohammed, the underwater national park, but kept my top at all times, and my eyes closed, too!

The pyramids at Giza were HUGE, but inside? Itty bitty living space. I'm almost 6 foot tall, Bill is 6'2. Not exactly comfy. Totally worth it tho. Oh, and one guy tried to buy me from Bill. For sticky spitty camels, no less. That's a true story.

Las Vegas July,2000 I have no idea why we look like we took ourselves so seriously. Oh. Wait. Because we totally did. LOL. My, how things have changed.

I met my perfect man in April 2000. Since I was already seeing another man (quite nice, but not perfect) I waited to tell the perfect man.
Exit current boyfriend, Enter Mr Perfect.
Lucky lucky me, he thought I was a little perfect, too. In May we officialy started dating. In June, Diamondback dugout seats. In July, Las Vegas. In August, Philadelphia. In September, Egypt.
Yep. Like EGYPT, Egypt. For 3 months. Totally freakin' awesome.
That was basically our first year together. It was perfect.
It's done nothing but get better.