Are you KIDDING me with this jiggly jogging?

I am going to embrace my inner fat person ( who has been my outer fat person for the past couple years) because exercise is degrading.

I'm going to get those jeans that'll lift my butt and squish my thighs. I'll lean ALL of my mirrors a bit forward at the top to give me a false sense of slimness.

I will avoid looking at my lap while sitting unless my baby is in it.

What I will NOT do is watch my flesh dimple and shake while I run a few miles, play a little DDR on Wii, all in hopes of return to my former slender self.

I have done this before, I lost 60 pounds after Kristen. Sure it was 12 years ago and it was after my literally life-devastating divorce, and lost about 45 of those pounds in a fog of self destructive behaviour. I probably would have wasted away from the Despondency Diet if Bill hadn't wandered into my life, and gave me a much needed shake until my teeth rattled.

Figuratively, people.

Anyway, I'm ready to lose the weight and get back my energy. I have been dealing with a skin problem, massively distracting itchy, bumpy rashes (ew) and my dermatologist has prescribed some stuff which makes me itchy and bumpy (which I was before) and now my skin burns like a house-a-fire (which is a new development).

So, hey. Maybe I'll open a cupcake shop and then no one will think twice about my chubbiness. Bakers are always a bit "fluffy", it goes beautifully with the tall hat.

And I really like cupcakes.